March 19, 2013

Recently a friend who is in poor health mentioned how overwhelmed she felt since her house was such a mess, being unable to stay on top of the cleaning.  This person is one of the most amazing, giving people I've ever known.  But she felt guilty that she was ill and couldn't keep on keeping on.  She seemed to be ashamed to need, and ask for, help from someone else. 

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It occurred to me how we often expect ourselves to continue doing everything even when we aren't well.  We don’t expect this of others, so why do we expect it of ourselves?  I am not sure of the answer to that question; I imagine it’s different for each person.  But how to handle it – I have a few thoughts that may be of help to anyone in this situation.



1.  You know the golden rule: treat others as you would like them to treat you.  Look at this in reverse: treat YOURSELF as you would treat OTHERS. Why should you accept less?  You’d probably be a little hurt if someone else – a friend, spouse, etc. – told you that you should keep doing it all even when you are not well.  So don’t tell that to yourself.  Instead, tell yourself that you deserve to take a break and take care of yourself.



2.  Delegate, or ask for help.  There is no shame in asking a friend to help you out.  You would do the same for them!  Often friends want to help, offer to help, even, but they don’t know HOW to help.  So help THEM out by asking them if they could help you with a couple of chores.  I’m sure you will be able to reciprocate in the future.

3.  Let it slide.  So what if your house is a mess for a few days, or even a week?  You don’t have to invite anyone over.  In fact, if you aren't well, you probably shouldn't   But if depression is the issue, not a cold or the flu, consider going to meet a friend, or inviting someone over, regardless of how the house looks.  A true friend will understand and won’t care.

4.  Learn to say no.  Even if it’s just for a short time.  You may find it’s a relief to give yourself permission to say no, and continue doing it.  Just because you are asked to or invited to do something, whether it’s volunteering at the homeless shelter, watching a neighbor’s kids or pets, or going to an event, you don’t have to do it!  Consider how much time it will take, and if it’s something you really want to do.  Learn to politely decline a request.  It’s okay to say you aren't feeling up to taking on anything else at the moment.  They’ll understand!

I hope you will keep this in mind when you start to feel overwhelmed.  Do you have any other ideas how to handle being overwhelmed when you are already stressed out?  Click here to tell me about it!​